
	Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater^® News of Incredible Importance

Issue #841

The next time you see Tom Fredericks, he might be wearing this hat.

We're pleased to announce that Tom Fredericks, Vice President of Polywater's Electrical Division, has been appointed to the Manufacturers Council of the National Association of Electrical Distributors (NAED). As a member of this elite council Tom participates in strengthening the relationship between distribution and manufacturing and improving efficiency. His council membership is a 2-year appointment, with another 2-year extension possible.

The NAED Manufacturers Council assists in communicating industry issues, trends and opportunities. NAED program offerings include the "Supply Chain Scorecard", a tool for communicating and measuring distributor partners; initiatives to create a streamlined and unified SPA process (Special Pricing Authorization); and employee lifecycle resource tools to help with recruiting, onboarding, career path development, succession planning, and retirement. The NAED also offers numerous best-practices whitepapers to optimize the interaction of manufacturers and distributors.

Tom has also served an 8-year stint on NEMRA's special manufacturers committee known as the NMG Group. He served variously as Co-Chair, Chair, and Immediate Past Chair of the committee. So this is not the first feather in Tom's cap. Tom's appointment is a huge opportunity to increase Polywater's industry profile. Please join us in congratulating Tom on his most recent achievement.

The Friday Fax Editor's Joke of the Week

The Joke

Scientists Theorize Santa's Existence. There are approximately two billion children (< age 18) on Earth. Since Santa doesn't visit Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist children, the Christmas night workload is reduced to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there's at least one good child in each. Assuming he travels east to west, Santa has ~31 hours of Christmas to work with due to the different time zones and rotation of the earth. This equals 967.7 visits per second, meaning that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has about 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, dismount, descend the chimney, fill the stockings and distribute presents under the tree, eat his cookies and milk, ascend the chimney, remount the sleigh, and fly to the next house. Assuming the 108 million stops are evenly distributed around the globe (obviously false, but accepted for purposes of calculation), he travels 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, excluding bathroom breaks. Thus Santa's sleigh moves at 650 miles per second (mps)--3,000 times the speed of sound. By comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, plods at 27.4 mps, and conventional reindeer can run only ~15 miles per hour. The sleigh's payload adds another element. Assuming each child gets a medium-sized Lego set (2 lbs), the sleigh carries over 500 thousand tons, excluding Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lbs. Even if the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with 8 or 9 of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, excluding tare weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or ~7 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 mps creates enormous air resistance--this would heat the reindeer like a spacecraft re-entering the atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they'd burst into flames instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. It matters little, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A slim 250-lb Santa would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, it wasn't for long!

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