Friday Fax
A Weekly Summary of Polywater® News of Incredible Importance
Issue #836

Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year


In politically charged times such as these, with voting issues on the minds of all customers as we near the Mid-Term Elections, it's critical that we position our products to appeal to the majority.   As you campaign for distributor support, consider adding these pledges to your sales filibuster.   Distributors in both "blue states" and "red states" will surely elect to stock Polywater® Products when they realize that ... (drum roll and fife, please.)

Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year.
          
  1. Though extremely slippery, Polywater Lubricant has no political ambitions.
  2. It's packaged in environmentally green, 25% "post-consumer-resin" plastic.
  3. It comes in many bi-partisan colors, sizes, and genders.
  4. It's politically correct, or incorrect, depending on your customer's preference.
  5. It ships internationally via slow boat to China, not "swift boat."
  6. New Polywater UPR Utility Pole Repair Sealant: more gaffable than Joe Biden.
  7. It has cable manufacturer approvals, meets IEEE Standard P1210, and passes the "Global Test."
  8. Company President Erik Freyser: 3 months of service, zero interns.
  9. With Polywater and CableFree you can safely claim, "I actually did lubricate the cable as it was pulled in before I lubricated it as it was pulled out."
  10. Dyna-Blue clings bitterly to cable, not guns or religion.
  11. It is the best lubricant available, regardless of what the definition of the word "is" is.
  12. Polywater pails are functional even when empty--great for bailouts!
  13. 836 issues of the Friday Fax: zero botched jokes.
  14. The FST Foam Duct Sealant application gun (cat #TOOL-250) works fast, but not furious.
  15. Polywater sells bags of several types of cable pulling lubricant, but no tea bags!
  16. 99% of Polywater G will evaporate off a cable on Wall Street. Only 1% residue remains to occupy the conduit.
  17. Inventory is created by factory mass production rather than sexual reproduction--no private parts to tweet!

Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year.
          
  1. It's available in wide-mouth pails, but has no lips to read.
  2. It stands firmly opposed to aborting late-term cable pulls.
  3. At the factory, Polywater is fed through gate valves affectionately referred to as "watergates."
  4. It was used at the White House and Pentagon, but never in the Kremlin or Tora Bora.
  5. With the Pull-Planner, engineers use "strategery" to design conduit runs and avoid "misunderestimating" pulling tensions.
  6. It's available in exotic formulations, such as WPJ-640 and WNB-640, but not WMD-640.
  7. Polywater Lubricants: a thousand points of lubrication in every drop.
  8. Sales to the Axis of Evil: zero.
  9. Our three Vice Presidents have never shot anyone, accidently or otherwise ... yet.
  10. Polywater had a pail in Alaska before Alaska had a Palin.
  11. Our distributor display racks fit almost anywhere--no "wide stance."
  12. Pull-Planner software calculates pulling tensions whether you're conservative with COF estimates or liberal with lube application.
  13. Polywater lubes don't bead up; they "wet out" on cable, delivering on the promise that "If you like your coverage, you can keep it."
  14. The Polywater Christmas party allows no over-budget spending, no excessive drinking, and no inappropriate behavior ... resulting in "The Party of No."
  15. Official production records provide defense against Trump and the "batchers." All Polywater batches are born in the USA.
  16. At Polywater, mudslinging and the politics of personal destruction are considered “beyond the pail.”
  17. The Polywater business? Yes, actually, we did build that.

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Copyright © 2014 American Polywater Corporation -- Issue Date: 10/31/14

American Polywater Corporation -- The world's leading manufacturer of cable pulling lubricants, cable cleaners, sealants, and MRO & construction chemicals.
P.O. Box 53 | Stillwater, MN 55082 USA
1-(651) 430-2270 (Voice) | 1-(651) 430-3634 (Fax)
1-(800) 328-9384 (Toll-Free US/Canada Only)