Friday Fax
A Weekly Summary of Polywater® News of Incredible Importance
Issue #716


4th of July
          Annual 4th of July message, delivered in American Polywater's research lab in Stillwater, MN:

One score and nineteen years ago my father brought forth on this continent, a new product, conceived in ingenuity, and dedicated to the proposition that all cable pulling lubricants are not created equal. Now we are engaged in a great sales competition, testing whether that lubricant, or any lubricant so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great testing ground of that competition. We have come to dedicate a portion of this laboratory, as a final resting place for those cable samples that gave their lives that Polywater Lubricants might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this lab bench. The brave cables, energized and dead, that struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what those cables did here. It is for us the employees and agents, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which those cables here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these test cables we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of friction reduction, that we here highly resolve that these cables shall not have been stressed beyond their manufacturers' limits in vain, that this product, under UL, shall have a new birth of sales growth, and that Polywater Lubricants, made in the USA, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.


The Joke
                              Economic Stimulus Defined.   Q. What is an "Economic Stimulus" payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up. Q. What else can I do? A. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka. If you spend it on gasoline, it goes to the Middle East. If you buy a computer, it'll go to India, Taiwan, or China. If you buy fruit and vegetables, it'll go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea. If you buy useless stuff, it'll go to Taiwan. If you pay your credit cards off or buy stock, it'll go to management bonuses and they'll hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in America by spending it on the few remaining businesses still operating in the U.S., like at yard sales ... or going to ballgames ... or spending it on prostitutes ... or beer ... or tattoos. Better yet, go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

Click here to View This Issue Online With Images
Click here to View Back Issues by Number or View Back Issues by Topic

Copyright © 2012 American Polywater Corporation -- Issue Date: 6/29/12

American Polywater Corporation -- The world's leading manufacturer of cable pulling lubricants, cable cleaners, and MRO & construction chemicals.
P.O. Box 53 | Stillwater, MN 55082 USA
1-(651) 430-2270 (Voice) | 1-(651) 430-3634 (Fax)
1-(800) 328-9384 (Toll-Free US/Canada Only)