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We decided to follow up on a competitive threat written about 10 years ago in Friday Fax #159. Here's what we said then: Dateline 2001: A new cable pulling lubricant competitor, American Lube & Biopolymers, has entered the market with Power Glide, a xanthan gum-based "environmentally-safe biopolymer." Power Glide is a naturally-occurring derivative of cabbages, with the stated benefit that it is "safe for children, pets, pregnant women, and the environment." AL&B's CEO Richard Pesta, a.k.a. "Captain Sticky, Destroyer of Evil," has posted photos of himself on their website in superhero costume with cape, and claims that his product "will not harm the environment, but rather promote the natural flora of the soil and sustain the intrinsic miracle of life." We half expected our sample to be packaged in a hollowed-out gourd. Instead, it was supplied in a clear HDPE quart bottle (mislabeled for a 5-gallon pail), which promotes UV degradation of the lube within, requiring special storage. Lab tests reveal a lumpy, teal-colored gel that clings to and wets out cables well, but washes off easily with water. The dried residue is hard, with no lubricity, and is combustible and unsuitable for fire-retardant cables. Power Glide fared poorly in friction tests, generating COFs 200% to 300% higher than Polywater lubes. Power Glide also provides no evidence of UL listing, IEEE P1210 standard compliance, volume resistivity or cable compatibility testing, cable manufacturer approvals, or other basic documentation of suitability. After a dinner-table discussion about this new cabbage lube, my young daughter asked: "Dad, why do cabbages get stuck?" We do not fear competitors with bizarre ingredients or outrageous claims. Polywater lubes excel without pesticides, herbicides, plutonium, or cabbage. We do, however, hold in reserve a lube that can be released at a moment's notice, one that will out-market all comers. It's a top-secret formula called Polywater X, better known as "crop circle lube," with anti-matter as an active ingredient. This lube is far ahead of its time and won't be deployed until absolutely necessary. Update 2011: Alas, but Power Glide and AL&B, Inc. both disappeared from the market shortly after testing revealed the product's shortcomings. Because the threat from AL&B failed to materialize, Polywater X was never deployed. We continue to hold it in reserve as a carefully guarded secret. The only known public document is this heavily redacted Polywater X Product Report we were forced to share with the industry after a Freedom of Information Act request. |
