Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater® News of Incredible Importance | ||
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Issue #614 |
![]() 4th of July |
Annual 4th of July message, delivered in American Polywater's research lab in Stillwater, MN: One score and seventeen years ago my father brought forth on this continent, a new product, conceived in ingenuity, and dedicated to the proposition that all cable pulling lubricants are not created equal. Now we are engaged in a great sales competition, testing whether that lubricant, or any lubricant so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great testing ground of that competition. We have come to dedicate a portion of this laboratory, as a final resting place for those cable samples that gave their lives that Polywater Lubricants might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this lab bench. The brave cables, energized and dead, that struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what those cables did here. It is for us the employees and agents, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which those cables here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these test cables we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of friction reduction, that we here highly resolve that these cables shall not have been stressed beyond their manufacturers' limits in vain, that this product, under UL, shall have a new birth of sales growth, and that Polywater Lubricants, made in the USA, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. |
![]() The Joke |
Cancel Credit Cards Before You Die. A lady died in January and Citibank billed her in February for their annual service charge on her credit card, and then began adding late fees and interest on the service charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but then at somewhere around $60.00 a family member called Citibank ... FM: "I'm calling to tell you she died back in January." C: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." FM: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections." C: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been." FM: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" C: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!" FM: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" C: "Excuse me?" FM: "Did you just get what I was telling you, the part about her being dead?" C: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." The supervisor gets on the phone. CS: "May I help you?" FM: "I'm calling to tell you she died back in January with a zero balance." CS: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply." FM: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" CS: "Are you her lawyer?" FM: "No, I'm her great nephew." CS: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" FM: "Sure." The fax number was given. After they get the fax ... CS: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." FM: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care." CS: "Well, the late fees and charges will still apply." FM: "Would you like her new billing address?" CS: "That might help." FM: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." CS: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" FM: "And what do you do with dead people on your planet?" And you wondered why banks need the feds to bail them out! |
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Copyright © 2010 American Polywater Corporation -- Issue Date: 7/2/10 |
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