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When Conan O'Brien recently said, "I plan to put on a great show night after night ... while stealing as many office supplies as humanly possible," he tapped into one of the secret honey holes of industrial marketing: Takehomeability. Polywater is not positioned for consumer marketing, but we submit the following funny and well-written testimonial from the wife of California agent Ken Sweet (KLW Co.) in hopes of adding to your sales arsenal one more argument in favor of an already excellent product: Dear Polywater: I try to think of myself as a fairly contented housewife: I've had the luxury of staying at home with my children and the household chores, and I've enjoyed it all. Mostly. Early this week I suited up in Haz-Mat gear, grabbed picks, chisels and blasting powder, and headed into the kitchen to take on one of my least favorite chores: the stove. Understand that the ovens are not the problem: it's the range hood and surrounding area. We have something of a powerhouse, which must be regularly de-greased and de-gunked. I prudently limit myself to one or two attempts per year, as it seems an insurmountable task. The cover to the light came off. Then the grease cups, the metal plate which holds it all up, the two bladed fans, their covering knobs, the round feed tubes which route the grease, and ... I started. Ran hot water into the sink, added copious quantities of benign and fairly malignant cleansing agents. Tried glass cleaner. Nothing. The sponge and gloves were sticky with the junk. It had to be scraped off, literally. I was about to give up on it and apply a narrow putty knife to the inside of the works where muck abounded, when Spousenik took pity on the poor woman and said, "Here, try this." He handed me a spray bottle of HydraSol. It worked well on the range hood, with some effort, but eventually got things off. "Hmm," he said, disappearing again, only to return with a small packet containing a wet wipe called SqueekyKleen. I pulled it out, wiped it across what I had thought to be a clean range hood and bingo! Shining metal! No more grease! I used it on the grease cups and the fan blades. He got me another wipe. I used it on everything else. He ran and got me a container of wipes. And so it went, until all (except the five years' worth of internal muck which, so help me, must require a jackhammer.) was sparkling clean. If you aren't marketing this to housewives, commercial cleaners, janitorial services, or professional maids, you're missing the boat--about the size of an oil-tanker. This stuff is fabulous, nontoxic, gentle to the hands, easy on the throat and lungs, and it DOES THE JOB. Without requiring lots of elbow grease. I cannot begin to tell you how many women would bless Polywater if they knew where to get their greasy little paws on it. I have a child who is cleaning houses to supplement a weak income; she'd benefit from this. I had a friend who took a professional cleaning service job but had to quit within two days due to reactions to the toxic substances professional cleaners use. Please don't keep this a secret! Liberate us hordes of women with greasy stuff to clean. After all, you can make an omelet without breaking the egg if you use an egg substitute, but there's no way I know to make tempura without greasing up the kitchen. Sincerely, Mrs. Ken Sweet. |
