
	Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater^® News of Incredible Importance

Issue #596

FST^™ Mixing Nozzles

We've had a lot to say lately about the new FST-250 caulking-gun cartridge. We're so darn excited about it! Rarely has a new Polywater product generated so much buzz so quickly. Customers are interrupting our salespeople halfway through their pitch to say, "I want that! Where can I get some?" or "How fast can you ship it here?" We've worked at top speed to create sales tools like the demo video and flyer to arm you against this onslaught. And we want you know one more thing you'll likely be asked about: the mixing nozzles (cat #FST-10NOZZLE) are interchangeable. They fit both the FST-180 cartridge and new FST-250 caulking-gun cartridge. This makes life simple. You now have the tools to take action. Some reps have already landed big sales of FST-250. There are many spec opportunities for this package. Spring thaw creates wet ducts and sales opportunities--especially this snowy year. FST can help you grow in a down market. One more reason for optimism: if you Google or Bing "foam duct sealant," Polywater FST Foam is the #1 non-paid result!

Polywater's office was recently burglarized. The known facts: a perp jimmied a door at midnight, stole an employee's laptop bag (containing files, but no laptop), and discarded it in a snowbank 200 yards down the road. Why is unknown. As evidenced by ex-Governor Jessie Ventura's new TV gig, Minnesotans love a good Conspiracy Theory. Here are our theories so far:

The Corporate Spy -- Desperate competitors now try to copy us before we get to market.
The Drunken Spree -- Patrons of the tavern next door were extra uninhibited that night.
The Disgruntled Lover -- The owner of the laptop bag has domestic issues.
The Arms Dealer -- Someone is trying to send Jeff Ericson a message.
The Men in Black -- An odd visit from "Agent Sanders" of the "FAA" with "hazmat concerns" preceded the caper. We're now monitoring employees for lesions or unexpected pregnancies.
The Deviant Co-worker -- Someone somehow allowed an incriminating document to slip into that bag. Must ... get ... that ... paper!
Big Brother -- President John Fee, purportedly on safari in Africa, was spying on his own operation (he emailed a staged zoo photo of an elephant ride as cover-up).
Mancauseddisasterism -- Subsequent roof leaks and furnace odors indicate an attempted natural gas bombing by a local terror cell.
Insecurity Code -- Unnamed employee, embarrassed by previous security system errors resulting in silent-alarm calls to the police and managers at home, staged the crime to hide yet another entry-code snafu.
The Nigerian Connection -- An agent of the MN Dept of Health, irked by our resistance to unreasonable regulation of the Polywater well, gets even by breaking in to "fubar" a complex export sale to Nigeria.
Bart Simpson -- Employees of the Polywater East building have long fantasized installing a hidden, remote-controlled "flatulence spray device" in the Polywater West building conference room. Their attempt was thwarted by the alarm; the stolen bag was a diversion.

The Friday Fax Editor's Joke of the Week

The Joke

Military Quotes. 1) "If the enemy is in range, so are you." --Infantry Journal 2) "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." --US Air Force Manual 3) "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons." --General Douglas MacArthur 4) "You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you come with me." --U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. 5) "Tracers work both ways." --U.S. Army Ordnance Manual 6) "Five second fuses only last three seconds." --Infantry Journal 7) "The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you." --Basic Flight Training Manual 8) "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once." --Maritime Ops Manual 9) "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." --Unknown Marine Recruit 10) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --USAF Ammo Troop 111) "Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing." --Sign over SR71 Wing Ops

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American Polywater Corporation -- The world's leading manufacturer of cable pulling lubricants, cable cleaners, and MRO & construction chemicals.
P.O. Box 53 | Stillwater, MN 55082 USA
1-(651) 430-2270 (Voice) | 1-(651) 430-3634 (Fax)
1-(800) 328-9384 (Toll-Free US/Canada Only)