The Joke |
|
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE. S=Symptom, C=Cause, A=Corrective Action: 1) S = Feet cold and wet. C = Glass held at incorrect angle. A = Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. 2) S = Feet warm and wet. C = Inadequate bladder control. A = Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training. 3) S = Beer unusually pale and tasteless. C = Glass is empty or contains "Lite." A = Get someone to buy you another beer. 4) S = Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. C = You've fallen over backward. A = Have yourself lashed to bar. 5) S = Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes. C = You've fallen forward. A = Have yourself lashed to bar. 6) S = Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. C = Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face. A = Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. 7) S = Everyone looks up to you and smiles. C = You're dancing on the table. A = Fall on someone cushy looking. 8) S = Floor blurred. C = You're looking through bottom of empty glass. A = Get someone to buy you another beer. 9) S = Floor moving. C = You're being carried out. A = Find out if you are being taken to another bar. 10) S = Room seems unusually dark. C = Bar has closed. A = Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run. 11) S = Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. C = Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. A = Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside. |
