Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater® News of Incredible Importance | ||
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Issue #509 |
![]() The Joke |
Chuck Norris Facts. 1) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 2) Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by beta testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied, "That's no glitch." 3) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. After the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. 4) Chuck Norris once brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crowd that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 5) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 6) A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why, he will simply stare at you, grimly. 7) Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 8) Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. 9) Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. 10) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 11) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own. 12) Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 13) When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt. |
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