The Joke |
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New Element Found. Scientists have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known. Its existence was long theorized, but finally proven in the wake of hurricane Katrina. The new element, named "Governmentium," has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles are bonded by forces called "mo-rons," which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called "pe-ons." Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction it contacts. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction with a normal 1-second duration to take over four days to complete. Governmentium has a half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass actually increases over time; each reorganization causes more mo-rons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes." This characteristic of mo-ron promotion leads scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever mo-rons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical
morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes "Administratium," an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since though it has only half as many pe-ons, it has twice as many mo-rons. |
