Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater® News of Incredible Importance | ||
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Issue #414 |
![]() Ideal Industries |
Speaking of "new" products ... the running rumor that Ideal Industries will introduce a Polywater J knock-off gained validity. We've seen the label and product flyer. It's called Velocity, and their description is a plagiarism of the J cut sheet. Copying 20-year-old technology and releasing it with a flashy label and a lot of hoopla stretches the definition of "new product" and makes a questionable marketing strategy. Prepare to educate your customers. Ideal must be forced to show their bona fides if they expect to substitute Velocity "as equal." Watch for new Velocity and send samples to the factory. We need to analyze it ASAP. |
![]() The Joke |
Health Q&A Session Q: Can cardiovascular exercise prolong life? A: A heart is only good for so many beats. It wears out eventually. Don't waste it on exercise. Abusing your heart won't make you live longer. You can't extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. Steak is simply an efficient vegetable delivery mechanism. Need grain? Eat chicken. Pork chops provide 100% of the recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. They remove water from the fruit to increase the wholesome goodness. Beer is made from grain. Bottoms up! Q: How is body-fat ratio calculated? A: If you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are the advantages of a regular exercise program? A: None. No pain ... good! Q: Are fried foods bad for you? A: Foods are fried in vegetable oil. How can getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups shrink my gut? A: No, when you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. Only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: The cocoa bean is the best feel-good vegetable around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If it is, how do you explain whales? Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other, screaming "Wow, what a ride." |
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Copyright © 2006 American Polywater Corporation -- Issue Date: 8/18/06 |
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