
	Friday Fax A Weekly Summary of Polywater^® News of Incredible Importance

Issue #408

Special PHYSICS Edition

New Polywater® SP Spray Lubricant incorporates Splubium 128.

Splubium Atom

American Polywater has pioneered a new branch of science known as Quantum Lubrication: the study of how to reduce friction at the subatomic level. Through its research APC has discovered an entirely new element known as Splubium 128. The splubium nucleus contains standard protons and neutrons, but has extra electrons spinning in orbit at much faster rates than other atoms. This quantum activity causes other atoms to "bounce off" splubium molecules, effectively reducing friction. APC's laboratory has isolated the world's only known quantity of splubium, which it incorporates in its new commercially available cable pulling lubricant dubbed, "SP Lube." One advantage for APC's reps is that SP is a consumable product; once the initial sale is made, SP is purchased again and again. Thus the commission half-life is very long. To assist agents in making that initial sale, APC's marketing department is hard at work on one of those highly visible starbursts for the SP product flyer that will read: "Now With Enriched Splubium!"

Simon Laplace

There is actual scientific proof for destiny. French scientist Pierre-Simon Laplace (1749-1827), using Newtonian mechanics (where "force equals mass times acceleration" and "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"), theorized that since the movement of atoms can be accurately predicted, a "Divine Calculator" that plotted the position and velocity of all atoms in the universe could foresee everything that is to come--meaning that all your actions have already been determined. We're just waiting for your atoms to move as they must. Now, APC's chief scientist John Fee--who has authored a few calculators of his own (www.polywater.com/calculators.asp)--is admittedly not up to the divine task, but has managed through tinkering to predict your sales activities in the near term. You WILL be making sales calls in the next week to introduce one or more of APC's new products, such as SP Lube, FTTx Lube, BonDuit, or RBG Rubber Goods Cleaner. Our regional managers WILL be following up with you shortly to make sure your atoms have moved as required. Do not disturb the delicate balance of the universe!

The Friday Fax Editor's Joke of the Week

The Joke

Anger Management I phoned my friend and said, "Is Ed there?" A man yelled, "Get the right number!" and slammed the phone down. I'd accidentally transposed two digits. I called the wrong number again and yelled, "You're an idiot!" I kept his number and occasionally I'd call him and yell, "You're an idiot!" This cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought I'd have to stop. I called him and said, "This is John Smith from Qwest. Are you familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "No!" and hung up. I called him back and said, "That's because you're an idiot!" One day a guy in a BMW cut me off. I honked, but he ignored me. I saw a "For Sale" sign in the window and wrote down his number. I called him later. "You have a black BMW for sale?" "Yes," he said. "Where can I see it?" "At 34 Mowbray Ave. It's parked out front." He said his name was Don Hansen. "Don," I said, "you're an idiot!" Then I hung up and phoned Idiot #1 to call him an idiot again, but I didn't hang up. "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yes." "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "Don Hansen, you idiot. I live at 34 Mowbray Ave. My black BMW is parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. Say your prayers." Then I called Idiot #2. "Hello, idiot," I said. He yelled, "If I find out who you are I'll kick your butt." I said, "Now's your chance, idiot; I'm coming right over." Then I called the police: "I live at 34 Mowbray Ave and I'm on my way there now to kill my gay lover." Then I called Channel 9 News about a gang war going down on Mowbray Ave. I drove over to Mowbray just in time to see two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead chopper, and a news crew. I feel much better.

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American Polywater Corporation -- The world's leading manufacturer of cable pulling lubricants, cable cleaners, and MRO & construction chemicals.
P.O. Box 53 | Stillwater, MN 55082 USA
1-(651) 430-2270 (Voice) | 1-(651) 430-3634 (Fax)
1-(800) 328-9384 (Toll-Free US/Canada Only)