SPY Lubricant

The Friday Fax has uncovered evidence that the Bush Administration has authorized deployment of another domestic "SPY" program in the war on terror.   Known secretly as "SPY Lubricant," the weapon has been deployed on a "limited basis" in electrical conduits throughout the U.S. without judicial review.   The SPY lubing is done by spraying a slippery, stealth-based liquid into ducts, causing terrorists who may be hiding within to slip and fall down.   This incapacitates them and allows us to "bring 'em to justice," Mr. Bush reportedly claims.   Electricians have noted an interesting side effect of the SPY Lubricant: an uncanny ability to pull and/or push wires and cables into these ducts with greatly reduced friction.   Electrical workers have suffered for decades with messy, antiquated methods of hand-applying thick gels and pastes onto wires to help ease them into place in conduit.   "We have no comment on the potential commercial significance of SPY Lubricant, as we do not believe the technology exists," a spokesman for Homeland Security was quoted as saying.   Despite its contribution to the electrical industry, wire spraying is controversial and may be unconstitutional, according to Washington insiders.   Critics of the SPY program view it as another unjust intrusion by right-wing zealots.   "Is no place left sacred?" is typical of comments on a blog at FreeMyDuctSpace.com.

The recent Equity/EDN national meeting--where member distributors meet manufacturers for one-on-one conferences and (hopefully) place orders--shattered APC's sales record.   Leading the way were new product sales: Polywater® SP Spray Lubricant and Grime-Away™ Tool Wipes.   APC met with 36 distributors--the show maximum per booth.   Distributors placing orders at the show were eligible to win their order for free.   Johnson Electric Supply (Sagamore Beach, MA) won the drawing ($978.78!)   APC accepted only mixed-product orders at the show.   This revealed that many distributors were unaware that APC offers more than pulling lubes.   We heard many comments about our excellent reps, but distributors want to hear more from you about APC's entire product line.   A good way to start that dialogue is by introducing one of the three distributor programs APC now offers: 1) Polywater Month 2) Buy-3-Get-1-Free 3) Lube Quantity Calculator Spiff.   Call your regional manager for details.

The Joke

Joke of the Week:   Notable Quotes.   1) "I'm stuck all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self-service pump." -- Weird Al Yankovic   2) "Some guy hit my fender, and I said to him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words." -- Woody Allen   3) "More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads.   One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness.   The other, to total extinction.   Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly." -- Woody Allen   4) "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.   In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce?   The cuckoo clock." -- Orson Welles, The Third Man, 1949   5) "I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?'   The priest said, 'No, not if you did not know.'   So the Eskimo asked, 'Then why did you tell me?'" -- Annie Dillard   6) "My wife and I were happy for twenty years.   Then we met." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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