Lubrinomics

As surprising as it may seem in 2006, occasionally otherwise seemingly sophisticated contractors try to save money by cutting out lubricant from their cable pulls.   In one spectacular example of why this is not a wise financial move ... a large municipal utility in the Northwest hired a reputable engineering firm to design a distribution installation.   Despite the engineer's use of the Pull-Planner™ to perform calculations and his strong recommendation to use Polywater® J on the pulls to achieve tension reduction goals, the utility's hired contractor pulled dry or used an inferior lubricant brand.   When the cable got stuck, they brought in a crane to "persuade" it into place, resulting in $20,000 worth of cable damage.   Add to that the harder-to-quantify cost of delay, extra labor, and recrimination--and you have an expensive lesson: $200 of Polywater® can prevent $20,000 of damage.   Part of your job is to teach that lesson--free of cost--to your customers.   Think of yourself as a Professor of Lubrinomics, if you must.

Rain Man

In the 1988 blockbuster film "Rain Man," Dustin Hoffman won an Oscar playing an autistic man with extraordinary calculative abilities.   This resulted in an addendum to the American vernacular: "rainman," a verb meaning to use science or technology (such as a computer) to figure something out.   An example of its use might be the following imaginary dialogue between cabling engineers.   "I don't know whether this cable pull will succeed," says engineer #1.   "Why not use the Pull-Planner™ 2000 and 'rainman' it?" says engineer #2.   This powerful news sales term separates you from the pack.   Your competition doesn't know this word, nor do they offer anything approximating the Pull-Planner™.   Properly applied when promoting Polywater® Lubricants and the Pull-Planner™ Software, this evocative term can result in a deluge of orders so large that you may need to rainman the figuring of commissions.

The Joke

Joke of the Week:   Hello and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital.   Please select from the following options menu:   1) If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.   2) If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.   3) If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.   4) If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.   Stay on the line so we can trace your call.   5) If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.   6) If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.   7) If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.   8) If you are dyslexic, press 969-696-969-696-969.   9) If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.   Please wait for the beep.   10) If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.   If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.   If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.   11) If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.   Our operators are too busy to talk with you.   12) If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.   You won't be crazy forever.   13) If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

P.O. Box 53 | Stillwater, MN 55082 USA
1-(651) 430-2270 (Voice) | 1-(651) 430-3634 (Fax)
1-(800) 328-9384 (Toll-Free US/Canada Only)
www.polywater.com