Al Gore

No, Al Gore did not invent the Internet, but he was kind enough to stop by on his way back from Saudi Arabia recently to lend some tech tips on how to get the electronic version of the Friday Fax spiffed up with images and color.   The format change is the result of extensive readership polling.   The consistent response from many reps was that the Fax's writing had words but no pictures.   I hate it when writing has words!   If you're still receiving the faxed copy, why not supply the factory with your email address and enjoy the benefits of 21st Century technology: color photos, hot links, text you can easily forward to customers, and the inner peace that comes from knowing--as Al Gore does--that email prevents the senseless slaughter of another innocent tree to feed that evil, paper-eating fax machine.

Brian Abston

After a lab accident doused him with heavy water in the 1940s, fictional college student Jay Garrick was endowed with a supernatural ability to run at great speeds.   Dubbed "The Flash," he used his new talent to run down criminals in the metropolis of Central City.   Incredibly, The Flash has morphed from the comic book pages to real life.   Yes, the one guy who can give Superman a "run" for his money is now mild-mannered salesman Brian Abston of Rep Com, APC's rep agency for the communications market in the Southeast.   In his latest feat the scarlet speedster set a world record in product approval at BellSouth, a corporate behemoth that normally operates at glacial pace.   Suddenly, with a gust of wind and a red blur, Brian streaked into action, achieving approval of Dyna-Blue® quarts (PID #081060691 for catalog #D-35) in under 24 hours!   While this good deed may not benefit all mankind, it will certainly aide other APC reps responsible for BellSouth.   We intend to thank Brian ... next time we catch a glimpse of him.

The Joke

Joke of the Week:   Things You Should Know But Probably Don't   1) Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.   2) There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.   3) The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!   4) There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!   5) Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.   Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.   6) A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.   7) The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.   8) If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.   You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.   9) By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.   10) The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.   11) The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles.   At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.   12) Celery has negative calories!   It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.   13) Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.   14) The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.   15) Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.   16) Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.   17) George Carlin on Martha Stewart: "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars.   O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail'"

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