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Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year


In politically charged times such as these, with voting issues on the minds of all as we near the Next Election, it's critical that we position our products to appeal to the majority.   Customers in both "blue states" and "red states" will surely elect to use Polywater® Lubricant when they realize that ... (drum roll and fife, please.)

Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year.
          
  1. Though extremely slippery, it has no political ambitions.
  2. It's packaged in environmentally green, 25% "post-consumer-resin" plastic.
  3. It comes in many bi-partisan colors, sizes, and genders.
  4. It's politically correct, or incorrect, depending on your customer's preference.
  5. It ships internationally via slow boat to China, not swift boat.
  6. When the phone rings at 3:00 a.m. in the White House, rest easy knowing it's a good connection: the cable was properly installed with Polywater®.
  7. It has cable manufacturer approvals, meets IEEE Standard P1210, and passes the "Global Test."
  8. Company President John Fee: 27 years of service, zero interns.
  9. With Polywater® and CableFree® you can safely claim, "I actually did lubricate the cable as it was pulled in before I lubricated it as it was pulled out."
  10. Dyna-Blue® clings bitterly to cable, not guns or religion.
  11. It is the best lubricant available, regardless of what the definition of the word "is" is.
  12. Polywater® pails are functional even when empty--great for bailouts!
  13. 529 issues of the Friday Fax Newsletter: zero botched jokes.

Top Reasons to Vote for Polywater® in an Election Year.
          
  1. It's available in wide-mouth pails, but has no lips to read ... or lipstick.
  2. It stands firmly opposed to aborting late-term cable pulls.
  3. At the factory, Polywater® is fed through gate valves affectionately referred to as "watergates."
  4. It was used at the White House and Pentagon, but never in the Kremlin or Tora Bora.
  5. With the Pull-Planner™, engineers use strategery to design conduit runs and avoid misunderestimating pulling tensions.
  6. It's available in exotic formulations, such as WPJ-640 and WNB-640, but not WMD-640.
  7. Polywater® Lubricants: a thousand points of lubrication in every drop.
  8. Sales to the Axis of Evil: zero.
  9. Our three Vice Presidents have never shot anyone, accidently or otherwise ... yet.
  10. American Polywater had a pail in Alaska before Alaska had a Palin.
  11. Our distributor display racks fit almost anywhere--no wide stance.
  12. Polywater® won't damage a cable installed in Iraq ... even if it's there for 100 years!
  13. At American Polywater, mudslinging and the politics of personal destruction are considered “beyond the pail.”

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Address: 11222 60th Street N, Stillwater, MN 55082, USA

Phone: +1 651 430-2270 | Fax: +1 651 430-3634 | Phone: 800 328-9384 (Toll-Free USA/Canada)

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